By Scott Pattison /
Kevin Lowe / General Manager / Edmonton Oilers
A Netminder with a .940 Save Percentage Or Better!
Santa ... have some compassion! Have you seen our conference lately? Kiprusoff, Backstrom, Luongo, Hasek ... give me a break, already. I can’t sleep some nights!
Roli was da man for a couple of months in ’06, but sorry guy ... what have you done for us lately?
Hey, if you think I’m being too greedy with my wish list, perhaps you could make a wish come true for Tampa GM Jay Feaster and have him take Roli’s $4M annually salary off our hands at this year’s trade deadline.
Who knows, maybe Dwayne Wayne can capture some Lightning in a bottle again in sunny FLA, ’cause he ain’t getting it done in frosty EDM.
A runt named “Max” for that ‘Duck’ Burke
Then Burkie can take his dog Max, and take some black thread, and tie a big horn to the top of his head.
A Conscience for Chris
Santa, please bring Prongs a soul!
First, he rips the beating heart from the collective chest of Oil Nation – and then thy beloved hockey nation – by performing the blasphemous ritual of allowing his children to consume their Captain Crunch from the bowl of our sacred Stanley Cup.
PS: Claus ... forget the soul. Instead, take a picture of Burkie just after I announce I’ve signed Corey Perry to an RFA offer sheet.
Craig McTavish / Head Coach (for the time being) / Edmonton Oilers
A Grade-A NHL Power Forward
Vinny Lecavalier would be awesome, Santa! Heck, I would even settle for a good, Alberta born-and-bred boy like Shane Doan. Someone, anyone that is willing to play some Gordie Howe, pay-the-price-and-score type minutes for me.
A Knucklehead
Why did I ever let Georges go?!
If you could see fit, please bring me one – or five – punishing, physical tyrant(s) on skates. This is crucial. Hemmer’s (Ales Hemsky) days as an able-bodied athlete are otherwise numbered. NOTE: Hey, tell Georges we’ll also cover his
speeding tickets!
A Power-play GPS Device
Badda boom, badda bing – that’s the way it’s supposed to work, no? Tic-tac-toe, no? Could you ask the elves to develop a GPS device that would help Hemmer and Pennzoil find the friggin’ net with more frequency?
Grecian Formula
Please don’t brush this one aside. This NHL bench gig is turning my hair grey!
Nick Wilson / VP Business Operations / Edmonton Oil Kings
Sid the Kid 2
The next Sidney Crosby come draft day.
Note from North Pole to Nick:
We make toys here dude ... not miracles on ice!
Bob Green / General Manager / Edmonton Oil Kings GM
Shoot-out Sammy
Ah, Santa ... the Oilers’ Sam Gagner is still only 18 years old, you know. Technically, he still has junior eligibility. Sure, his junior team, the London Knights, is technically in the OHL, but heck ... surely that’s but a mere technicality – OHL ... WHL ... they kinda sound similar, no?
Moi / Hockey Nut/Prognosticator / Hockey Now Magazine
A Hockey Pill
A wife who loves hockey ... ahhhh ... my life would be complete! Keep your stick on the ice, Santa!
Merry Christmas Alberta!
PS: Santa, if you have trouble finding the Heartland of Hockey in a snow squall, tell Rudolph to turn left at the Statue. |
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